Falling in Love

....All Over Again

Since no one (and you know who you are) answered their phones this morning, I spent some time thinking about you.  I confess I don't remember things in sharp detail.  I can't tell you when Noah ate the Sudafed or Sarah drew on the wall or Carol boiled the fish.  I know those things happened.  If I had a calculator and a calendar and a day or two, I might be able to narrow it down to the year but that's as far as it goes.  And don't even ask if your dad had a beard at the time or the name of my favorite show.  That is all lost, discarded along the way, wrappers tossed in the the trash at some gas station in Kentucky.

What I do remember is how I felt about you.  Not the oft proclaimed parental maunderings of pride or frustration or fear.  I had those feelings but they were not about you.  All of that was just a reflection of me that I tacked your face to.  

There is a point in every relationship when the other side of the equation comes into focus, when you see the person as they are without your hopes, without your prayers, without your if onlys.  It's not always easy to catch that moment.  Be patient.  Pay attention.  It will come quietly, a flicker of true light at the edge of the horizon, just beyond the crowds and noise and smoke and mirrors.  

I remember you by this light, as you were on the way to becoming who you are.  And that is when I find myself falling in love all over again.